October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic and intimate partner violence is a very common and serious problem. One in four women reports having been physically assaulted or raped by an intimate partner. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any background.
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors – physical, sexual, and psychological attacks as well as economic coercion – used by one intimate partner against another to gain or maintain power and control in a relationship. Batterers use of a range of tactics to frighten, intimidate, manipulate, blame, often injure, and sometimes kill a current or former intimate partner.
There are clear signs of abuse, such as if your partner constantly monitors your activities, humiliates you in front of others, repeatedly accuses you of being unfaithful, or prevents you from seeing friends or family. Other abusive behaviors include controlling how you spend money, destroying your property, and controlling your use of needed medicines. A batterer might threaten to hurt you, the children, or pets, or does hurt you by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting, or forces you to have sex against your will. It is common for the violent partner to blame you for his or her outbursts.
The consequences of domestic violence can be devastating. Physical and emotional trauma can lead to increased stress, depression, lowered self esteem, and post traumatic stress disorder. Sometimes it is difficult and confusing to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or to find a way out.
Learn how to reduce your risk of being a victim, and if you are abused or have a loved one who is abused, seek help.
- Do not keep it to yourself. Talk with someone: a family member, friend, colleague, health care provider, Employee Assistance counselor, or faith counselor. The more people who know of your situation, the safer you will be.
- If you have been hurt, get medical attention and call the police. Abuse is a crime and you have rights.
- Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-SAFE or TDD 800-787-3224, which is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, in English, Spanish, and other languages. The Helpline can give you the phone numbers of local hotlines and other resources.
- In the U.S., visit www.womenshealth.gov/violence/state to find a listing of places to get help.
- Make plans for what you will do if/when you are attacked again. Go to www.ndvh.org/get-help/safety-planning/ for guidance on creating a safety plan.
- Set aside some money and choose a place to go. If/when you decide to leave, you will be prepared. Put important papers such as your marriage license, birth certificates, checkbook, and other papers and items in a place where you can access them quickly. If possible, make copies of important documents and keep them at work or a friend’s home instead of your residence.
- Contact your state’s family court for information about obtaining a civil protection order. Make sure you list your workplace on the protective order. Give copies to your boss and security people at your job. Also give them a picture of the abuser. Review the safety of your childcare plan. Make sure the protective order includes all important addresses, such as your child’s school or day care.
- Review the safety of the parking lot or garage at your work and other places that you visit. If possible, arrange for someone to walk you to and from the parking lot and the office.
It is possible to remove yourself from an abusive situation and move forward with your life. By becoming aware of and using the resources around you, you can protect yourself and your children from a dangerous situation. If you know someone who you suspect is being abused, let them know support is available and that they are not alone.
Sources Cited: National Women’s Health Information Center, National Domestic Violence Hotline, YourAdvocate.com, and Washington and Shady Grove Adventist Hospitals. The Health Tip of the Week is for educational purposes only. For additional information, consult your physician. Please feel free to copy and distribute this health resource.
